Photo Post – A Month of Fun

As I said in my last post, we’ve been getting up to all sorts of mischief since we moved into our new place, but my pregnancy sickness and general exhaustion has kept me from updating regularly about all our fun. Still, I DID take photos along the way, so at least I can share the fun with you visually.

The Bloggess - Let's Pretend this Never Happened

Firstly, can I just say how EXCITED I was to have virtually attended one of The Bloggess’ book clubs online earlier this month, when OUT OF THE BLUE, she randomly chose me as a winner of a signed copy of her audio book?

Jenny Lawson Autograph

Check this out! I mean, I have been reading The Bloggess for a very very long time, and I had already pre-ordered the book on Kindle and had read it twice by the time the book club happened, and weirdly, watching her read bits from the book, I made the comment that it was making me wish I had the audio book. And Lo and Behold! Only a few minutes later, she gave it to me!

And she signed it with a heart, which I’m certain she does NOT do for everyone, and in fact it was meant specifically for me because she knows just how amazingly awesome I am and totally wants to be my best friend now and forever.

Ahem.

In other news, we are settling in well to our new abode, even though it is small and cramped and I am the only one without any personal space whatsoever. But hey ho. That’s the way the cookie crumbles or something.

Dexter is blossoming before our very eyes these days. While still shy around strangers, he is much more outgoing since we moved here, interacting with other kids at the swimming pool and the Mommy and Me group I joined.

Mommy and Me Group

Bella Vita

He was a little uncertain of the swimming pool when we got here, but now he’s actually getting in on his own (or sometimes falling in and having to be rescued), and it is a joy to see him so happy. Of course, Florida in July is ridiculously hot, so we are stuck indoors for much of the day, as we’ve already suffered sunburns and don’t want to repeat the whole healing process once again. But this kid wears himself OUT.

Seriously, he is perfectly happy in his room by himself now, even going so far as to fall asleep on his own once he’s exhausted all of his climbing options.

Climbing

Sleepy Boy

He’s also doing superbly well at feeding himself these days. At 17 months old, he’s never actually had a high chair to sit in, so I think he’s a bit late in the skills, but he’s definitely getting there  now. Whether sitting in his chair in front of the TV slowly forking bits of ravioli into his mouth (he really prefers to use silverware rather than his hands), or at IHOP directing a grilled cheese sandwich in his gob, he has figured out his place in the eating world.

Toddler Feeding Himself

Though his ice cream skills are certainly lacking… Our patio doors are now coated in a thick layer of orange sherbert.

ice cream baby

Dexter is REALLY loving his daddy lately. This is proven more each day, but especially at night time, as Mark is the ONLY one who can get Dexter to go to sleep. He’s started a new routine for him (after stealing my copy of What to Expect: Year Two) and now Dex is bathed, snacked and in bed before 9 each night, and more amazingly, he SLEEPS! ALL NIGHT! This is an amazing step forward for us, and I am so proud of both of them. For most of the last month, I had been spending every night in bed with Dex, sleeping with him in his tiny twin bed, and now I get to actually use my OWN bed! AND sleep with JUST me and Mark together. It’s brilliant.

Daddy Love

And of course, the biggest change of the last month has probably been in Dexter, himself. After a really bad mommy haircut back in February, his hair was getting very long again, and I would find him constantly sweaty and dishevelled. So on a recent trip to WalMart, I saw they were doing children’s haircuts for only $8. So we gritted our teeth and offered him up to the gods of hairdressing.

To his credit, he did really well. When the stylist came at him with her electric razor, he just looked at me as if to say, “Well… if you’re SURE, mom…” I smiled encouragingly while daddy took photos. But after a few minutes the poor wee Wubba decided he’d had enough, and he began to cry. The stylist suggested I sit down and hold him, and so that’s what we did. Within a few minutes (and with a few tears in my eyes) I said goodbye to the sweet baby face and said hello to this new little boy who looked like Dexter but older.

Baby's First Haircut

Of course, as soon as we got home, the stress of the day caught up with him and the little men fell fast asleep in my arms, secure that his mommy kept him safe.

So you see, things happen, but I can’t always blog them right away. Lucky for me, I tuck these memories somewhere in the cockles of my heart and eventually I will find a way to share.

But it makes me wonder – what have YOU all been doing the last month? MY blog isn’t the only one I’ve been neglecting, and I long to know what exciting tidbits I’ve missed along the way.

 

7 Suitcases, 2 Boxes, a Pillow and Me

Today was hard. I ain’t gonna lie… since we moved to Florida, there have been a lot of hard days. It’s been two weeks today.

The first three days were pretty awesome. The weather was gorgeous, it was all new and exciting, and I really was feeling good. But so many stresses made themselves known in that first week that it pushed Mark’s and my relationship to the limits. A lot of it was put down to me being on my period (which thankfully came a couple days late this month, meaning I didn’t have to deal with it during the long transition from UK to US) and jet lag.

But…. BUT BUT BUT!

There was so much upset, I started to really worry. From finding and buying a car, sorting out our licenses, reclaiming our US residency, dealing with a cranky toddler, finding out our pre-approval for our mortgage was flawed and we’d have to RE-apply for it… The list goes on and on.

If you have spent even a few minutes with me at any point, you’ll know that I HATE waiting. I hate not knowing. I like to be in control, have a plan, know where I stand. I also HAVE to be able to create. I need to draw or paint or craft or cook or change things up. And I can’t do ANY of that right now. I can’t really do anything to this house as we are renting it (and only for a month!). I can’t draw or paint, as all of my supplies are in boxes being held hostage by our moving company (that’s a whole other story!). Same with my craft supplies. And as far as cooking, besides the fact that our kitchen is the size of a matchbox and has the WORST setup in history, we also have to be really careful with money right now, meaning I don’t want to go and buy loads of ingredients for fancy meals we can’t really afford.

Mark is working from home. He bought himself a desk and set up shop in one of the spare rooms. All day long, five days a week, he sits up, listening to internet radio and does his job. He takes calls, skypes with colleagues and comes down every so often to have a quick play with Dexter or get himself coffee or a snack. He starts work at 6 AM each day and is finished by 2 or 3 PM. He works hard and keeps a positive attitude. Once he’s done with his work, he spends most of his time making calls, searching online and trying to sort out the best move for us. Should we rent a place for six months while we find a house to buy? Should we just buy whatever we can get and move in? Should we go stay in Utah for a bit while we wait for the perfect house? Should we put things in storage? Do we fly or drive if we leave? Mark is the one doing all the research and figuring it all out while I…

Well, what do I do? On days like today, I survive on far too little sleep because even when Dexter doesn’t wake up and come in our bed during the night, I find myself in constant pain, waking up often to check the house for signs of break-in, checking that Dexter is warm enough/cool enough, constantly using the toilet, and generally just being unable to relax.

I can’t really keep Dexter to any sort of schedule during the day because often when I’m winding him down, Mark will wake him up by speaking too loudly or coming down for a break. A flushing toilet will be heard throughout the house. There’s just NO down time!

Later, when Dex has had a nap and is in a better mood, I might get a few minutes to sit on the most uncomfortable kitchen chair to read a blog or update my Facebook. My Klout score has plunged rapidly since we arrived here. Woe is me.

I’m grouchy. I’m stressy. I fantasize about running far away. I want to be in Pennsylvania with my family, but I can’t bear the thought of being without Mark. I’ve offered to give up the Florida dream and just move back to Utah, as then we’d at least be around HIS family and friends, and we could move into one of the houses he owns…

Late this afternoon, it all got to be too much. Mark DARED to offer to take us all out to dinner, and I blatantly refused. When he sweetly tried to persuade me, I stomped off barefoot into the incessant rain (yes, another let down of Florida – other than the first three days, it has been nothing but pouring rain!) and got drenched. When I came to my senses and returned home, I ran up the stairs, into the spare room, grabbed a pillow and locked myself into the closet.

I closed my eyes, huddled in a corner, surrounded by suitcases and boxes, and I CRIED. I RAGED. I SCREAMED (all silently, of course). And I PRAYED.

For the first time in a LONG time, I prayed. I begged for help. I truly wanted god to hear my heart and find a way to help me. Because right now, I feel incapable of helping myself.

After that, I don’t remember. I woke up a while later, and as I made my escape from the closet, I met Mark coming up the stairs. He asked where I’d been, and I admitted I’d been holed up in the closet.

A few minutes later, the three of us were in the car on our way out to dinner. And I felt a little bit lighter.

I know that tomorrow will be more of the same. I’ll find stress in every situation and I will keep all that rage inside until the next opportunity to let it out quietly. Maybe this time I can let it escape a little at a time, like a leaky balloon… Surely that would be better than the giant POP when the balloon can’t take any more?

I feel so lost right now, and all I can hope is that something comes along soon to help us make a decision one way or another. I just want to know…

Oh Make Me Over

Recently, the beautiful Mammasaurus wrote a post about body confidence (or the lack thereof) which really resonated with me. Having run the gamut of emotions when it comes to my own body, it reminded me of what I’ve been wanting to write about for quite a while but never had the impetus to do so.

Feeling comfortable in our own skin is something I think every woman struggles with at some point or another. I am certainly no different from my billions of sisters out there.

As a child, I was quite a looker. Super cute, even with my glasses and crooked smile, I was a beauty queen in the pageant circuit. I remember experimenting with makeup at five years old – not through my own childhood curiosity, but because my mom wanted to bring out my big blue eyes or accentuate my lips.  For the record, my mom wasn’t one of those horrible pageant moms like you see on Toddlers and Tiaras. She indulged my narcissism  and put me in contests because she thought I was pretty enough to win.

Eventually, though, I wanted out, and she made it pretty easy for me to walk away from that world, which is awesome. Thanks mom!

As I got older, unfortunately, I came into my family inheritance – I got boobs. I was quite young when I started to develop. Nine or ten years old! I grew fast. I got attention. It was so not cool.

Puberty hit, and with it came bad skin and weight gain. I kept my puppy fat until I was about 17. Just before my senior year, I visited relatives in California for two weeks and managed to lose about ten pounds. This got me excited, and by the time school started, I was another ten pounds gone. For once, I wasn’t the fat chick. I was the same as everyone else. Guys paid more attention, and I actually enjoyed my senior year, feeling that I wasn’t the ugly duckling.

In college, I lost even more weight due to signing on for the most limited meal plan (only 14 meals a week) and having no extra cash. I had many men wanting me and even got my first “real” boyfriend. I figured out that the key to being wanted was the FEEL wanted. I felt good about myself. I wasn’t the skinniest gal, nor did I wear makeup or do my hair. I was a size 12, and I had guys throwing themselves at me, some of them begging me for clandestine romps and others showing up at my doorstep at all hours to serenade me.

Of course, within only a couple of months, I met my future ex-husband online and was pretty much off the market from that point forward.

My second year of college, I switched meal plans, and I wound up putting on my “Freshman 15″ a year late. When Ross and I finally met up in person, he made a comment about me needing to lose a few pounds, and thus started my downward spiral. I was with him for over eight years from that point, and every one of those years focussed on my weight. I yo-yoed constantly. Any weight I’d manage to lose would be put on with interest. I was always on a diet, always feeling deprived, always feeling not good enough. I would starve myself for days on end, and often when I DID eat, I would make myself sick, wanting to do anything to keep from gaining weight. But it kept piling on.

When I was 26 (after 7 years of feeling hideous) I flew to the Czech Republic and had a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy to lose the weight for good. It worked! In a little over a year, I had lost 100 lbs AND my husband.  Reclaiming my body had given me a new confidence (and a LOT of male attention), and it wasn’t long before Ross and I were broken up for good. It was the best thing that ever happened to either of us, and we were luckily able to reclaim our friendship and be better pals than we ever were spouses.

In record time, I’d met Mark, and from day one, he made me feel AMAZING. I knew I was beautiful because he MADE me beautiful. He’d look at me and admire me and tell me constantly that I was gorgeous. He was always taking pictures of me on his phone or camera, and when I looked at the photos, for the first time in my life, I didn’t hate them. I saw myself as he saw me, and I really was pretty.

Of course, everything changed a few months later when I got pregnant. With each trimester, I gained more weight, my skin got more stretch-marks, and my self-image shattered. I held on to the fact that I was building a life inside of me, and I prayed that I’d be able to lose the weight once I gave birth.

And I did… mostly…

I lost most of the weight within a month or two, but there was a stubborn ten pounds that refused to budge (even though I breastfed like a champion!). And as the months went on and motherhood took its toll, that ten pounds slowly built up again. And now, nearly 16 months after Dexter was born, I have a whopping 22 lbs to lose before I am back to my pre-pregnancy average weight.

The sad thing is that I wasn’t happy with that weight at the time. I wanted to lose another twenty pounds!

Now that we have moved to Florida, I once again believe that I can do something to change my body. But we’ve been here for nearly two weeks, and I am snacking all the time, sitting on the couch too much and afraid to leave the house. I don’t have a set of scales yet, which is lucky as I’m certain to hate the number that stares back at me.

So today, I decided something. My body will change when I am ready to change it. Really really ready. And until that time, it is important to change my body IMAGE. I need to see myself in a better life. Not the fat and frumpy MOMMY that I let myself be each day. But the sexy hot mama that Mark sees when his eyes get all dilated and his pants fit a little tighter.

And with that in mind, as I laid the baby down for his nap a little while ago, I ran to the bathroom, grabbed my makeup and hair tools and gave myself a mini makeover.

I PLUCKED PEOPLE!

I waved that magic (mascara) wand and allowed myself to feel pretty. For once.

And the results? See for yourself!

Comparison

Side by side comparison

From Above

How Mark views me (he's taller!)

From Below

How Dexter views me (he's way shorter!)

Pimple

The dreaded pimple coverup!

From the Left

A smile and some long hair covers face bloat!

Plucked Eyebrows

After plucking

My Hair

Hair straightened and with added extensions

Makeup tools

My toolbox

UK Patriotism

Showing my love for Her Majesty

Vlog – What’s in Your Handbag?

I find there’s not a lot to say to make today’s prompt interesting. I mean, who cares what’s in my handbag? I’m sure most women have the same things in them. Of course, I haven’t read the other people’s posts yet, so maybe I’m wrong.

Anyway, rather than bore you with some dodgy list, I decided to just put a video together for you to enjoy. Or for you to hate and mock relentlessly. After all, I didn’t bother putting on any makeup.

What’s In Your Handbag?

 

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...