31 day blog challenge

May 14, 2012

The First Man Gets the Oyster…

Gambling…

Until a few years ago, I wasn’t a gambler. I didn’t really believe in it. What use was it to spend money on something that MIGHT get you more money? Because 9 times out of 10, it probably won’t get you anything at all! At least when you waste money on clothes or shoes, you have something to show for what you’ve spent, even if you have immediate buyer’s remorse.

But gambling is essentially throwing money away in the hope that at some point, the garbage bin will spit back at you with much more money than you’ve given it.

Of course, having that attitude doesn’t stop you being sucked in if you win! Such was the case with me back in 2008. I had just moved home to Pennsylvania in what I thought was a permanent move (don’t get me started!), and I had bought a car and rented an apartment, but I didn’t have a job or anything else lined up and was really hurting for cash. My friend, Brookie, was about to be married, and only two or three days after I had got there, she held her bridal wedding shower.

It was great to catch up with loads of high school friends I hadn’t seen in years, and when I was invited to the “after party” up at the local casino, I was enthusiastic to keep the evening going. We thought we’d have a bite to eat at the big fancy buffet and then do a little gambling. While we ate dinner, I made a suggestion – since we’d all be gambling, why didn’t we agree in advance that if any of us won big, we’d split it six ways? I was met with scoffs of derision. If they won, they’d be keeping their money, thankyouverymuch.

So off we went. I spent some time scoping out machines, looking to see what each of them were like before committing. I had budgeted $50 for the evening, and I was gonna stick to it. On the first machine, I made a bet which cost me 5 cents. I won! Exciting!

My friend, Wendy was seated beside me, and since I’d never understood how to figure out winnings, I watched the numbers spin around, and I wondered aloud, “How much did I win?” I figured it was around $5. But it kept going. I started thinking $50, and I was really happy. But again, the numbers kept going. I leaned into my friend and said, “How much have I won?” She looked over at me, and her eyes got wide. “I think you won the jackpot!”

I turned back, convinced that it was wrong. But maybe I’d won $500? No… numbers kept going. The lights were flashing around me, sirens were going off, and people were starting to gather around.

I’d won $5,000. H.O.L.Y. C.R.A.P.

I called my dad to tell him the good news, and Wendy started calling all our friends to get them to come over. They clearly thought she was joking, but they made their ways from around the casino to join us and were completely amazed to find out the win was real.

My big win. $5000 all for me

Of course, that’s when the rest of them started kicking themselves that they hadn’t agreed to share all winnings. But I’m not totally heartless. I gave each of them $50, as I figured that would have paid for their expenditures of the night. I would have given more, but I knew I’d be paying tax on the whole amount, so I didn’t want to end up totally screwed.

Anyway, $5000 is never anything to sneeze at, but honestly, it came around at the exact perfect time in my life – a time I desperately needed it. I was able to pay my rent for months in advance, buy some furniture and take my time finding a job I’d love.

I vowed then and there that I would not gamble again, as fate had seen fit to sort me out, and that was enough for one lifetime…. But when you’ve won big… you just want to do it again. It’s such a high. It makes you want more. And you start to get greedy.

I’ve spent a TON of cash (a lot of it belonging to the long-suffering Mark) on casinos, lotteries and bingo. I’m mad for it. I got the bug and I find it really hard to resist. I’ve had a few good wins here and there, a few hundred bucks in Vegas, some minor lottery wins here in the UK. But I’m constantly chasing that BIG score.

So if I won the lottery…

I think first of all, I’d be in big trouble for playing it in the first place. We don’t have the money to be throwing around in search of a big payday. So I’d likely be getting a bollocking for the potential waste of money.

But that’s okay, actually, because now that I think of it, I probably wouldn’t admit to winning anyway… I’d squirrel the money away somewhere, bringing it out in tiny increments when we needed it. Mostly because Mark and I completely disagree on the best things to do with money. He wants to own every house in the world, it seems. He’s done well in property investment (we’re about to buy our 4th house, after all), but I think the best place for it is in the bank in a high interest account.

I would very likely admit a modest win (assuming the total was at least a million), something like 100K which could pay off our houses, buy us a new car and have a little nest egg. The rest, I’d put somewhere and every so often claim a little win to help us through a rough patch.

Oh who am I kidding? I’d create accounts for those I loved. A bit of a trust fund for Dexter to make sure he doesn’t start his life out in debt. A big bunch of cash for Mark to start his own business, something he would love to do. I’d give a little nest egg to each of our family members to make their lives a little bit easier.

Mostly, I would try and conserve as much of it as possible for the days when we might really need it.

I guess we’ll have to wait and see, eh?

Filed Under: 31 Day Blog Challenge, Blog · Tagged: 31 day blog challenge, money, pondering the future, potential

May 13, 2012

Memory is Private Literature

By Katie Vyktoriah · 2 Comments

Day 13 of the 31 Day Blog Challenge deals with memory. That tenuous string that holds us to the truth as we see it.

What Is Your Earliest Memory?

my mother and me

Memory is a funny thing. Time takes its toll on our minds, forcing our imaginations to change tiny details that we can’t quite figure out. Instead of accepting that we just don’t remember, we will take some other nugget of information, real or not, and place it into the memory to make it complete. Or, in an effort to save us from torment, our subconscious minds might replace the worst details with sunshine and roses. And suddenly, that bad relationship we spent years running away from feels like a genuinely happy experience we are keen to repeat. It’s how ex-partners end up rekindling romances.

Memory can also play at us when we are forced to try and put pieces together that just don’t fit. Like when you are COMPLETELY convinced that you used to be able to fly, but you know that that just isn’t possible. So you start trying to remember a situation when you were flying – where you were, what you were doing, etc. And then suddenly a bubble-burster comes along and shares some shitty suggestion that makes you want to punch them in the face: “It was probably just a dream…”

PUNCH!

In reality, my toddler-aged “flying” sessions were more likely me misinterpreting what I was doing when I jumped off the fourth stair from the bottom into a pile of dirty laundry my mother was collecting. To a three year old with no real understanding that there is a difference between “flying” and “falling for a marginally longer than usual time,” the memory becomes one of utter conviction in one’s inherent super powers.

Ahem.

There’s an amazing quote from Edward De Bono which says,

A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen.

How great is that!?

I love the idea of ever second of our lives happening on a constant repetitive loop where our alternate selves from that time and place do get to enjoy each memory forever and always, never changing.

Of course, there is a downside. There are some memories that we’d like to forget but forever haunt us, dogging our steps and forcing us to face our demons whether we like it or not.

Which brings me to my first memory. I know that it seems impossible, but the circumstances of the memory (which have been discussed with my parents for verification) mean that I was pre-two years old when it took place, though how far back, I am uncertain. I know I was sat in my car seat at the time, and I am assured that I was no longer in a car seat after two years old.

I was sitting there looking up into the eyes of my parents and grandparents, who were sitting on a green plaid couch. I was sucking my thumb – I remember that vividly. And I was comfortable and ready to fall asleep. And as the faces above me began to blur, someone (not me) began to cry.

Who was it? Why was it? Was it a sad cry or a happy one? Was it because something had happened, or was it because something never happened?

The memory follows me around. I dream it. I remember it. All the time. I wonder. I have asked, but no one else seems to know either. Perhaps to them it was a passing hormone shift. Maybe it was the TV?

I don’t imagine I’ll EVER know the answer. But it remains my very first memory.

my younger brother and me

Filed Under: 31 Day Blog Challenge, Blog · Tagged: 31 day blog challenge, fear, feelings, memories, mother, photo posts, sadness, worry

May 9, 2012

What Makes Me Lame

By Katie Vyktoriah · 14 Comments

It is the interview question I dread whenever I apply for a job. It is the thing that is always on my mind and makes me crazy with self-doubt. We all focus on the bad stuff about ourselves, asking our subconscious, “Why am I so utterly crap at everything?” And then someone forces you to say the words out loud and admit your shortcomings as part of the basis of whether to hire you or not.

Bane of my existence.

But today’s 31 Day Blog Challenge prompt is slightly easier to digest because I don’t have my entire future dependent on answering it correctly. What I say here won’t (necessarily) damage my prospects. So let’s go into it enthusiastically and answer the Day 9 prompt:

What Are Your Worst Habits

I’m not one for nose-picking or eating earwax (unless I’m doing it for baby Dex… not the earwax eating – the nose picking… but you knew that. Right?!), nor am I a compulsive drinker or a pathological liar (though I do tend to exaggerate at times). I HAVE been a smoker in the past, but I nipped that in the bud and am not even tempted these days. I don’t chew with my mouth full or blow my nose while eating or snort when I laugh. I don’t laugh at the less fortunate or make jokes at the expense of others.

But

And in my case, it’s an awfully big but!

like anyone, I do have my share of idiosyncratic schmuckness about me.

Correcting People

I try not to, I really do. But I find myself constantly chirping up when someone uses the wrong word or spells something incorrectly. I get a smug satisfaction from sticking my nose in to educate other people on their grammar. When I was in high school, our English/Journalism teacher got really annoyed at the consistently poor spelling from her pupils, so she created a GIANT poster to hang on the wall to track the most common mistakes.

She wrote in big bold letters: WALL OF MISPELLED WORDS.

She gave a big speech to each of her classes about how it would no longer be tolerated, and she expected better.

I was in her final class of the day and waited for my opportunity. When everyone was paying attention, I raised my hand and pointed out that she had misspelled “misspelled.”

The poster came down the same day and was never spoken of again.

OCD

Not a “habit” per se, but still a massive hindrance to my life and that of my family. I’m the sort of gal who needs “all my ducks in a row.” I can’t start anything unless EVERYTHING is perfect and ready for me to do so. This means I can only start a diet on a Monday or the first day of the month. I can only watch a film if I have eaten and know that there are going to be no distractions, because if I have to pause the movie to take care of the baby or take out a plate or whatnot, I generally will not finish it. I am very particular about the way things are done, from putting away dishes and food (I’ve already mentioned my severe germophobia in a previous post) to exactly how I get into a bath, what order I wash in, how I get ready for bed, etc. I won’t write or paint or take photographs or do anything creative unless I have first cleaned and decluttered my work space.

Of course, this can also be a good thing. I tend to be very focussed on a project, and I have a desperate drive to see things through once I DO start them. Even when I am uninspired. This post is a prime example. It has taken me HOURS to write this, even though it’s not that long. I just do not want to be writing this, but here I am typing away so that I will have fulfilled the criteria of the challenge. I also insist on commenting on all of the other blogs involved who have posted their links by a certain time of day. After that time, I will generally leave it because I relish my family time.

I asked Mark what some of my other bad habits are, and he LAUGHED. He said it would be a really fun post to write and that he could name LOADS of things about me which he considers bad habits (though he never tells me!!).

Some of his top picks include:

1. “You can’t deal with distractions. At all.” (I have ADD!!)

2. “You put loads of stuff in your shopping cart and then, at the last second, you take most of it out and only buy a couple of things.” (In my defense, I have to see everything and add up the prospective cost before making a final decision!)

3. “You are constantly changing purses.” (This is something only a man would say)

4. ” You never set an alarm, even when you need to be up…” (Yah, I do tend to rely on Mark’s alarm most of the time)

5. “You stress scratch!” (When I am really stressed out, I scratch the bit of hair on my forehead (my widow’s peak) and end up wearing the hair away. Woops!)

6. “You bite your nails when you’re stressed.” (Generally, I only do this when I’m flying!)

7. “You don’t like being helped. If you say you want to do something, and I do everything I can to help you, you suddenly turn around and say I’m forcing you to do it.” (Yes, I do tend to misinterpret encouragement into something sinister…)

At that point, I had to stop Mark from going on, as my fragile ego was threatening to burst into hysterical tears.

Come on gals! Someone make me feel better… what are YOUR bad habits??